Social skills: how to firmly say no without coming off like a jerk

Here. From The Art of Manliness.

Online personals - a word to the wise

Speaking as the "other half of the blogging team", I must warn that there are some "characters" and unscrupulous folk out out there on these type of sites, so you must be very careful. This is especially true of the ladies. They may try and play on the social naivety that can accompany many of us on the spectrum. So that means not divulging too much personal info too soon, like address and telephone number, etc. Get to know the person a little first.

If you should agree to meet, suggest an open public place with plenty of people around, like a restaurant or food court. I say this not to discourage or rain on your parade, but to insure safety. One characteristic we Aspies have is to get carried away especially when desperate and lonely, thus going way too fast, and saying way too much too soon.  That can lead to being hurt, in more than one way. So, a word to the wise...

Also, it's not necessary to give our entire life's story with copious foot notes the second you connect. That can be shared little bits at a times if/should the friendship/relationship progess. Remember, keep it simple as too many details can bore, overwhelm, and weird a person out. Be honest, but not too honest.

As for Wrong Planet... for all the good the forum can do, I also agree it isn't good for picking up a date. All the best & happy fishing!

Online personals: you too can date

As I wrote before, autism really is a spectrum from the happily married (but not without problems because of the autism) who often found out one of them has AS when a child was diagnosed to those who have never dated.

For the lonely, online dating has become a door to the normals' world in this department, and is almost but not quite respectable among normals (they often use it now too but still few 'fess up to it, which tells you not to talk about it).

Get a decent haircut and clothes, and a digital camera to show all that, and learn how to write online (no rambles or lectures about your obsessions) and you too can date etc.

As they say, your mileage may vary. Some sites will work for you; some won't.

My picks: Plenty of Fish (which I found on an AS site, Wrong Planet, which itself I found doesn't work if you're looking for a date) and OK Cupid. Let me put it this way: with a little effort like I described above, which is in the range of things most of us can handle, I can tell you firsthand you don't need to be an alpha to get results.

And they're free.

Good luck!

Tact: the mouth as a door

The tongue should be prudently restrained, but not completely tied up. It is written: Whoever is wise will keep silence until the right moment. In other words, when it is seen that speech would be opportune the censorship of silence is relaxed, and an effort made to speak some appropriate word. Elsewhere it is written: There is a time to keep silence and a time to speak. Different circumstances should be prudently judged; the tongue should not be unprofitably loosened in speech when it ought to be restrained; nor should it indolently withhold speech when it could speak with profit. Reflecting well upon these things, the psalmist says: Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth: and keep the door of my lips. He does not ask for a wall to be set before his lips but a door, in other words, something that can be opened and closed. We must take care to learn, then, when we should discreetly and at the proper time open our mouths to speak, and when we should keep them closed and preserve a fitting silence.

- St. Gregory the Great

From here.

One of my symptoms: not always immediately recognizing faces

Sometimes when I see somebody I know and he sees me I don't recognize him right away so I put on my blank face for strangers and look away, then when I realize who it is I try to recover by looking at him and saying hello. It can be only a second's delay but enough to offend a normal. Ouch.

TV pick: "Lie to Me" on reading faces

The obvious appeal of this besides Kelli Williams' beauty is it covers a basic skill in AS social-skills training, how to read faces. This show is based on fact: there are scientists who've studied people's body language down to what are called microexpressions lasting a split-second to tell if somebody's lying, obviously valuable in police work.

Similar: The Mentalist in which a former fake-psychic con artist, feeling guilty over some harm he caused, now works with the cops. "I'm not a psychic. I'm just paying attention."

Learning how to be a man: modern movies don't help

Says this article.

If you want to learn a bit of alpha game by video, old movies from the 1940s-1960s and retro imitations like Mad Men are better. They have not only tough guys but everymen with strong moral codes (Hank Fonda's and Jimmy Stewart's roles) and English toughness (stiff-upper-lip stoicism in adversity, something to learn to fake instead of melting down - hide your feelings publicly and take it like a man) like the calm, cool and collected colonel under fire.