Revenge on an LJBF girl

"Let's just be friends," the participation trophy of the dating world. Girls pretending to be polite when of course they really mean they never want to see you again. Usually unstudly Asperger's guys get that a lot. Many say people with Asperger's are emotionally immature, not handling rejection well, but in this case that's not true. I'm fine with "no, thank you; I've changed my mind so I won't see you anymore" early on. LJBF is patronizing, insulting your intelligence. We are sexual beings and I'm proudly old-fashioned so no, I don't believe in opposite-sex friends. "What are you going to do, be one of her bridesmaids?" Acquaintances you're cordial with, sure; friends, no.

I didn't take a date to my high-school prom. My only college prom date seemed sweet but had emotional problems; she used this line on me then gave me mixed signals throughout the event. Rude. I bought the "dogged nice guy" myth from movies and TV (think Ross from "Friends"), "win her over," which ended predictably badly. Now I realize it wasn't just the Asperger's; she was crazy. And thanks to social media I see she's deservedly still single.

Anyway this crap has come up a few times in my adult dating life. My first real girlfriend broke up with me that way by mail, even though we worked together! She was crazy too. Once a few years ago it arguably wasn't really an LJBF but simply a girlfriend flaking OR testing me; girls do that. We were making out, still in our clothes, a few steps away from "closing," when as sometimes happens to men I got too excited too fast; you get the picture. So I'm stalling, waiting to recharge. Took too long. She flopped down on the couch in her negligee saying "This is a friendship."

"I don't do that." I knew better, having been strung along as a beta orbiter, in the friendzone (not quite the same as LJBF; often no blowoff speech), years before. No, thank you.

Stood my ground over the next couple of dates and eventually we did have sex. She had lots of other problems, including the dealbreaker, cheating on me, but anyway...

Let's call her Tara. I was in a 10-year relationship with someone else I wrongly assumed couldn't marry because she was mildly retarded after a childhood accident. Tara wasn't particularly pretty, certainly not in person, but - red flag - had lots of sexy social-media photos, vintage pinup poses. Regarding my special interests and views, she looked and spoke the part. "I'm a traditional woman in a hookup world!" Saw her on Facebook; that thing really is an occasion of sin. She was obviously looking; her status said "Single." Cold open from me, referring to an interest. She was receptive. A few texts, then a four-hour video call from me in which she even brought up marriage. She was divorced; non-custodial mother, another red flag, as she was more of an eccentric aunt than a parent. Being a typical jerk guy, I didn't want that responsibility. Anyway, I thought "Cool beans." Asked her out, she said yes, and by text I hurt the sweet girl who'd been waiting for me to propose - I was a coward and deserved what I got later, and still grieve over this person, who got together with someone else. On the appointed day I spent a lovely if chaste afternoon with Tara in her town 60 miles from me, hand in hand. I was a try-hard, with gifts right away; not recommended. Got two kisses goodbye and a happy text waiting for me when I got home (I didn't have a cell phone yet!). Everything was rosy for about three days after. I hesitated at the idea of getting on a carnival ride; she went cold. What the hell happened? So I actually doubled down, writing about the home I wanted with her, hoping to get an honest reply such as "no, thank you." Guess what I didn't get? After a week of this garbage from her I wrote that she seemed to be avoiding me. I got this business letter-like text back starting with these deadly words: "Honestly, Hank, you're a nice guy but..."

"Nice guy" is an insult in the sex world; girls think they're needy and sneaky. The dogged nice guy only wins in movies and on TV.

"However (yes; my, aren't we formal?), you made me just a little uncomfortable with your talk of 'our home'..." She flaked, then blamed me. Then a variation on "I'm not ready for a relationship," another condescending blowoff lie, and then the trial run of LJBF, "I'd like to get together with no expectations..." No expectations, hell! Yes, expectations. Told her so then video'd a bit, making our second date. I thought almost all was well and of course I was wrong.

It was a day when my longtime sweetheart and I would have been at a big event related to one of my special interests. Tara drove 60 miles one way to see me so I thought I was set. She was late, distant (the infamous face-turn so I kissed her cheek; her excuse was a cold), and sending mixed signals. At one point she talked about moving far away, to be with her parents. Big hint. No dinner, no coming up to my place...

Three days after that by text she dropped the bomb: "Blah blah blah friends. Take care!"

I was being gaslit. It was like the video call and first date never happened. For a lot of girls, social media are cheap male attention, like playing a video game; an ego boost. I couldn't believe it. So I was unmanly. I begged. I thought if I could keep her texting, I was winning. Another patronizing speech from her, then she blew up. "Please respect my decision."

Here's where "dogged nice guy" accidentally worked, not for romance but revenge. She didn't unfriend me on Facebook. So after a couple of weeks of passively, stupidly, trying to win her over, with interesting posts and the occasional likes for hers, I complained about the situation. Got a condescending comment from her: attraction is often one-sided, it's happened to me, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and SOMEDAY God will provide SOMEONE for you!

I was smart enough not to answer. Here's where friends on social media come in handy.

"Hank, you deserve better than this." Other friends chimed in, dogpiling onto this bitch. Thanks! Neither I nor she responded at first, then I posted, "Now I see why men don't go to church anymore," what with the patronizing God-talk.

The bigger payoff was when I posted again referring to/complaining about the mess, not crying this time but amused at Tara's bitchiness. She exploded with an angry text, "YOU FREAKED ME OUT," "we have NO CHEMISTRY," "that pack of lies," blah blah, having people "pump you up" online. How dare I have friends and a life! She unfriended and eventually blocked me after I let her have it by text one last time with no intention of further contact. Public shaming is an effective weapon to hurt a woman.

Fucking awesome. As for the romance I really did dodge a bullet. Tara deserved to have her face slapped, and, perfectly legal, in cyberspace she got what was coming to her.

tl;dr: String her along on social media and watch your friends attack her.

Funny: (From Reddit.) Him: I just came off a bad friendship so I'm not ready for another one.

Better: Her: Blah blah blah friends. Take care! Him: Ha ha, LOL, or laughing emoji. No. Take care!