Manosphere street smarts

An intro: I'm in my 50s and self-dx'd with Asperger's. My whole life made sense when I figured it out; it halved my problems. I used to be lucky if I lasted three months at a job; now I can last more than three years like an NT. Actually I'm not looking for a date; using NT dating apps I'm in another relationship with an NT, this one my age. I'm not trying to literally sell anything. I just want to share some manosphere street smarts with my brothers on the spectrum so they have a shot at the love, sex, marriage, and fatherhood that NTs have. I have the classic complaint of spectrum folk: why don't people say what they mean? Why don't they mean what they say? I'm grieving a 10-year relationship and was on the dating merry-go-round much of last year and hated it. I can handle rejection just fine: "no, thank you," "I'm not interested," and "I've changed my mind." Cool. Like most of you I respect honesty. Anyway, quick tip for men: you don't have to look like Tom Brady or be a millionaire though they help. Seriously, ***don't be needy and be just a little reserved and mysterious***. Few things are as unattractive as nagging a girl for a date. Neediness is why 90% of nice guys are shot down. And forget Hollywood, please. The dogged nice guy winning the girl's love by being a good friend first? Rubbish. You don't want to be a bridesmaid, doing a woman's chores without romance, or her online fan club, a beta orbiter. Many women want cheap male attention to boost their egos. The friendzone is real and a dead end. If you're too scared to really make a move like saying "I'd like to take you out to dinner," not "let's hang out," you will fail, simple as that. Mainstream society lies, lies, lies. Men are primarily attracted to looks; women to status and power. Don't beg, and hold back JUST a bit, and you'll have a chance. Of course love and sex are wonderful - they make the world go round, and when you're young they make babies! And especially as I get older, the companionship and security are as important as the sex. I like the idea of demisexuality, only being attracted to those you have a deep connection with. I'm becoming like that. Have fun and know I'm in your court, guys.

AMOG'd by a professor's 12-year-old son

AMOG'd by a professor's 12-year-old son. (AMOG: alpha male of the group.) I feel so bad for this socially awkward fellow; I can relate. The professor obviously didn't teach his son manners or worse, encourages this. Bet the boy knows the poor student can't really do anything to him. Thanks to cell phones you can at least get audio of the incident to show the parent, who we hope would discipline his son. As much as I don't like violence, this spoiled kid deserves the belt for talking to an adult this way. That would be part of my lecture before some hands-on discipline: "A young adult, at my job, is an adult. Last chance: apologize to Mr. Smith in front of the class or else." Yes; teach kids sir, ma'am, Mr. and Miss again.

A man’s musings about dating and courtship

If the girl goes cold, cut contact immediately. No matter how attached she was before (four-hour video calls in which she even talks about marriage). Literally no questions asked. Don’t ask/whine/plead, “What’s wrooooooong? Whyyyyyyy? We can work this oooout.” That’s weakness, which God made women hate; their survival instinct now gone wrong.

Nagging someone for a date or another chance is the opposite of confidence; very unsexy. Girls will call you a creep.

More.

Revenge on an LJBF girl

"Let's just be friends," the participation trophy of the dating world. Girls pretending to be polite when of course they really mean they never want to see you again. Usually unstudly Asperger's guys get that a lot. Many say people with Asperger's are emotionally immature, not handling rejection well, but in this case that's not true. I'm fine with "no, thank you; I've changed my mind so I won't see you anymore" early on. LJBF is patronizing, insulting your intelligence. We are sexual beings and I'm proudly old-fashioned so no, I don't believe in opposite-sex friends. "What are you going to do, be one of her bridesmaids?" Acquaintances you're cordial with, sure; friends, no.

I didn't take a date to my high-school prom. My only college prom date seemed sweet but had emotional problems; she used this line on me then gave me mixed signals throughout the event. Rude. I bought the "dogged nice guy" myth from movies and TV (think Ross from "Friends"), "win her over," which ended predictably badly. Now I realize it wasn't just the Asperger's; she was crazy. And thanks to social media I see she's deservedly still single.

Anyway this crap has come up a few times in my adult dating life. My first real girlfriend broke up with me that way by mail, even though we worked together! She was crazy too. Once a few years ago it arguably wasn't really an LJBF but simply a girlfriend flaking OR testing me; girls do that. We were making out, still in our clothes, a few steps away from "closing," when as sometimes happens to men I got too excited too fast; you get the picture. So I'm stalling, waiting to recharge. Took too long. She flopped down on the couch in her negligee saying "This is a friendship."

"I don't do that." I knew better, having been strung along as a beta orbiter, in the friendzone (not quite the same as LJBF; often no blowoff speech), years before. No, thank you.

Stood my ground over the next couple of dates and eventually we did have sex. She had lots of other problems, including the dealbreaker, cheating on me, but anyway...

Let's call her Tara. I was in a 10-year relationship with someone else I wrongly assumed couldn't marry because she was mildly retarded after a childhood accident. Tara wasn't particularly pretty, certainly not in person, but - red flag - had lots of sexy social-media photos, vintage pinup poses. Regarding my special interests and views, she looked and spoke the part. "I'm a traditional woman in a hookup world!" Saw her on Facebook; that thing really is an occasion of sin. She was obviously looking; her status said "Single." Cold open from me, referring to an interest. She was receptive. A few texts, then a four-hour video call from me in which she even brought up marriage. She was divorced; non-custodial mother, another red flag, as she was more of an eccentric aunt than a parent. Being a typical jerk guy, I didn't want that responsibility. Anyway, I thought "Cool beans." Asked her out, she said yes, and by text I hurt the sweet girl who'd been waiting for me to propose - I was a coward and deserved what I got later, and still grieve over this person, who got together with someone else. On the appointed day I spent a lovely if chaste afternoon with Tara in her town 60 miles from me, hand in hand. I was a try-hard, with gifts right away; not recommended. Got two kisses goodbye and a happy text waiting for me when I got home (I didn't have a cell phone yet!). Everything was rosy for about three days after. I hesitated at the idea of getting on a carnival ride; she went cold. What the hell happened? So I actually doubled down, writing about the home I wanted with her, hoping to get an honest reply such as "no, thank you." Guess what I didn't get? After a week of this garbage from her I wrote that she seemed to be avoiding me. I got this business letter-like text back starting with these deadly words: "Honestly, Hank, you're a nice guy but..."

"Nice guy" is an insult in the sex world; girls think they're needy and sneaky. The dogged nice guy only wins in movies and on TV.

"However (yes; my, aren't we formal?), you made me just a little uncomfortable with your talk of 'our home'..." She flaked, then blamed me. Then a variation on "I'm not ready for a relationship," another condescending blowoff lie, and then the trial run of LJBF, "I'd like to get together with no expectations..." No expectations, hell! Yes, expectations. Told her so then video'd a bit, making our second date. I thought almost all was well and of course I was wrong.

It was a day when my longtime sweetheart and I would have been at a big event related to one of my special interests. Tara drove 60 miles one way to see me so I thought I was set. She was late, distant (the infamous face-turn so I kissed her cheek; her excuse was a cold), and sending mixed signals. At one point she talked about moving far away, to be with her parents. Big hint. No dinner, no coming up to my place...

Three days after that by text she dropped the bomb: "Blah blah blah friends. Take care!"

I was being gaslit. It was like the video call and first date never happened. For a lot of girls, social media are cheap male attention, like playing a video game; an ego boost. I couldn't believe it. So I was unmanly. I begged. I thought if I could keep her texting, I was winning. Another patronizing speech from her, then she blew up. "Please respect my decision."

Here's where "dogged nice guy" accidentally worked, not for romance but revenge. She didn't unfriend me on Facebook. So after a couple of weeks of passively, stupidly, trying to win her over, with interesting posts and the occasional likes for hers, I complained about the situation. Got a condescending comment from her: attraction is often one-sided, it's happened to me, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and SOMEDAY God will provide SOMEONE for you!

I was smart enough not to answer. Here's where friends on social media come in handy.

"Hank, you deserve better than this." Other friends chimed in, dogpiling onto this bitch. Thanks! Neither I nor she responded at first, then I posted, "Now I see why men don't go to church anymore," what with the patronizing God-talk.

The bigger payoff was when I posted again referring to/complaining about the mess, not crying this time but amused at Tara's bitchiness. She exploded with an angry text, "YOU FREAKED ME OUT," "we have NO CHEMISTRY," "that pack of lies," blah blah, having people "pump you up" online. How dare I have friends and a life! She unfriended and eventually blocked me after I let her have it by text one last time with no intention of further contact. Public shaming is an effective weapon to hurt a woman.

Fucking awesome. As for the romance I really did dodge a bullet. Tara deserved to have her face slapped, and, perfectly legal, in cyberspace she got what was coming to her.

tl;dr: String her along on social media and watch your friends attack her.

Funny: (From Reddit.) Him: I just came off a bad friendship so I'm not ready for another one.

Better: Her: Blah blah blah friends. Take care! Him: Ha ha, LOL, or laughing emoji. No. Take care!

Spergs in the news: The North Pond Hermit

Some of us crave friendship but can't get it. The North Pond Hermit, scavenging (stealing) in the Maine woods for nearly 30 years, didn't want it. Normal people were just too confusing. Kudos to the kind people who, after he got caught, said they'd accommodate him. Obviously mentally ill so he got a very light sentence but even that seemed too much. Humility or inverted pride? With a really crazy person, maybe that doesn't apply.

Autism in TV fiction? The "Night Gallery" episode "Brenda"

A very weird tale of a lonely girl and the monster she befriends one summer in the Night Gallery segment “Brenda.” The show seems hokey now. It was an attempt to cash in on Rod Serling's popularity; he only hosted this anthology horror series. This episode isn't particularly scary but an interesting "social story" with maybe heavy-handed psychological content. I'm sure at least some of us were or still are weird Brenda. A lot of us grew up in this horrific situation: people (such as parents) noticed what we now know is autism but didn't know how to handle it, so they handled it badly.

Body language: Putin vs. Obama

Blue Christmas: Joni Mitchell, "River"

If you're like many autistic-spectrum people, and introverted people generally, people think you hate people/are anti-social but that's not true; we love them in limited doses or we get overwhelmed (sensory overload). The social demands of Christmas can be draining. Sounds like Joni Mitchell can relate. Let this post and song be your river you can skate away on, just for a moment.

Joni's famously quirky, "difficult"; she seems to have turned her back on commercial success since Court and Spark ("Free Man in Paris") and that was 40 years ago! Maybe she's one of us, like many of us undiagnosed. More proof that, like with the diagnosed Steven Spielberg and Dan Aykroyd (his special interest: he is a would-be cop!), Asperger's doesn't have to keep you from success, especially if you know about it.

If anybody still reads this, have a blessed Christmas or Hanukkah and a smashing new year.

10 ways to beat shyness

By Jade, a cute English woman who apparently teaches English as a second language.

A doctor debunks a much raved-about autism memoir

Projection and romanticizing the autistic, as The Reason I Jump does, is as much a disservice as pathologizing and persecuting them. Supposedly by a 13-year-old Japanese autistic boy, it’s more likely ghostwritten by an English novelist having trouble coming to terms with his autistic son.

Four things movies always get wrong about awkward people

Here, from the masters at Cracked.

10 steps to become independent

Here.

I like this; no homo

Thai nightclub: bathroom attendant masseurs.


Lots of things about body language and personal space are universal but not all. This wouldn't fly in most of America but in Thailand it's fine. (Sure, it's probably a gay nightclub.) Why not have a clean/legit (non-sexual) massage while on a bathroom break? Sounds like part of a great vacation.

More common: Third World barbershop massage.

Autism on the job

Here.

A Dutch scientist has created and built a device that purports to allow neurotypicals to experience the world as autistic people do

Here.

Does online dating work?

Yes, but. It's slowly moving into semi-respectability among normals. Aspies are naturals for this, and if you want to up your experience, both in hooking up and dealing with fails/toughening up, which will help get you more success, then yes.

Bad news for us spergs: rolling back diagnoses

The news is the proposed revision of the diagnostic manual (DSM) is tightening up the criteria for diagnosis so only about about a fourth of the diagnosed would still be. Part of eliminating AS as a separate diagnosis from full autism. Of course we shouldn't use the AS as an excuse and just to ask for handouts, but this is going back to the bad old days of blaming us.

Michael John Carley of GRASP:

Once again, the New York Times is speculating that the new criteria would qualify only 76% of those currently diagnosed with classic autism, 24% of those currently diagnosed with Asperger's, and 16% of those currently diagnosed with PDD-NOS. This means that:

• Children who do not qualify for a diagnosis under the new revisions will almost certainly be denied special education funding by their cities and states (after all, what school board will spend money on a child with no officialy recognized learning challenge?)

• Many adults on SSI, SSDI, or Disability who barely meet the criteria for these services may not have those services (and health coverage) anymore.

• We risk a possible return to the days of 1993 and prior where negative interpretations of behavioral differences were rather status quo.

The motivations behind these mind-boggling changes, are very much unclear to us. While the autism world in our current void of information is speculating a multitude of possibilities — the most dramatic being improper influence of insurance companies — we would urge people to continue pressing the DSM-V committee with the idea that the current committee members have experience only with the more challenged end of the spectrum. None have any real experience with the end of the spectrum whose challenges are less physically visible.

Why do we want autistic kids to have superpowers?

On TV.

Read it here.

Navigating love and autism

Here.

Great dating advice

Here.

Advice to the infamous rejected e-mail guy.

This answer is so good it makes me wonder if Michael P is Coach Roissy. No-bullshit, uncensored social-skills advice from the cool brother or friend (wingman) you should have or wish you did.

(What Roissy would say to e-mail guy, among other things: Jumbotron test. Girls don’t like big, impassioned speeches. Movies and TV are garbage.)

Word: with online dating you too can parallel date.

BTW here’s e-mail guy’s online-dating profile. Good-looking and rich. No wonder he gets lots of first dates. Now that I see him I wonder if he’s really autistic. He writes like it. Shows the danger of long-distance diagnosis. He may be, or he may just be used to having his way because he’s rich and handsome, or maybe both.

(He looks like a stone alpha but sounds like a beta.)

A few years ago online I met this smoking-hot divorcee six years older than me. Brunette with killer rack. Smart enough, hot pics, accepting flirty IMs, great. Went on an eight-hour first date (spring afternoon and evening in a romantic little town). I could tell she wasn’t very into me but she was in no hurry to leave either and most important wasn’t rebuffing my advances. Even made out a couple of times in the bar later that night. (Rare on first dates but I’ve had it happen more than once.)

She disappeared after the first date. She was back trolling the dating site, and evasive when I called her, once, to find out what was up. Didn’t know game yet but learned enough not to say a lot.

It happens. To normals. Don’t worry about it.

(Game hindsight: I made some aspie beta moves, too clingy, that probably turned her off.)

Another story: I made a similar mistake as e-mail guy in writing (this was before there was e-mail) with my second girlfriend. Live and learn.

P.S. If he weren't a sperg, he wouldn't need a dating service.